Thursday, January 28, 2021

Hello

 


Hey guys. How's it going? 

January and 2021 are starting slowly for me, strange peaceful days with a smattering of hope and then eerie quiet days with a slow burn of foreboding that infuses my mind and body. I know some of it is the continuation of COVID (which given history I suspect will be sticking around for a long haul) and some of it is knowing that there will be a shift onto a new path job-wise. The rest is just crankiness? Not sure.


I do sometimes feel like a cantankerous old lady. Perhaps I already am.


However, I am liking:
- the daffodils and crocuses that are blooming in my yard
- perfume each and every single day
- a simple Mercury dime for a necklace
- rose bushes that leave their mark
- Enya vinyl records
- the random videos and memes Savanna sends me on IG
- family Zoom calls on the weekend to see baby Ellie
- teaching Scarlette in my class, seeing her face each and every day, all day long (I will cherish this)
- Adam surprising me with a trip to the local small nursery for plants
- ologies podcast


Things that make me grumpy right now:
- isolation at work
- having to harp on the kiddos about masks and distancing all day, every day
- not many birds visiting me
- not drinking enough water
- lack of willpower in the various goals I have, and then beating myself up over the lack of willpower
- sleeping like crap, grinding teeth, neck cricks


Anything making you grumpy Gus? What are you particularly liking right now? Is January weird for you too?

12 comments:

  1. Ugh, Julie, this is just how I feel too! Well said. A lot of friends seem to be hitting the wall with pandemic fatigue. So much to grieve and not a lot of time or space to process. I have to remind myself I am not the only one lagging. Grumps are isolation- moved here as the pandemic began, and still don't know much of anything about my new community. Getting me through are Coursera free online courses on poetry... today was Emily Dickinson. And stitching. And perfumes. And my lightbox and my cat. I'm interested to learn more about your new job musings. Praise to the Educators 🙏

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    1. Pandemic fatigue. Yes. That is exactly it. I know I am so blessed to have my job still and decent health and more, but I am feeling the pressure on my mental and emotional aspects. I love that you are taking a course on poetry. I have recently fallen back in love with poems. I read some Whitman and Frost last year and I just picked up my first Yeats at a thrift store today. I look forward to diving in. Any poets you recommend? I do think I have Emily Dickinson on my shelf. Cats. Yes! Toddles has been a hug place of comfort for me as well. She likes the snuggles just as much as I do.

      So my current job is a lot of pressure right now. Not that teaching is any different anywhere else in the city/county/state/country, but I don't really feel a sense of security in it. I am looking to be somewhere long term. I would love to find a school and just stick there. With moving and babies and various things throughout the years, I have never been at a school for more than 5 years. I would like a "home" base to teach at.

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    2. Pandemic fatigue. Yes. That is exactly it. I know I am so blessed to have my job still and decent health and more, but I am feeling the pressure on my mental and emotional aspects. I love that you are taking a course on poetry. I have recently fallen back in love with poems. I read some Whitman and Frost last year and I just picked up my first Yeats at a thrift store today. I look forward to diving in. Any poets you recommend? I do think I have Emily Dickinson on my shelf. Cats. Yes! Toddles has been a hug place of comfort for me as well. She likes the snuggles just as much as I do.

      So my current job is a lot of pressure right now. Not that teaching is any different anywhere else in the city/county/state/country, but I don't really feel a sense of security in it. I am looking to be somewhere long term. I would love to find a school and just stick there. With moving and babies and various things throughout the years, I have never been at a school for more than 5 years. I would like a "home" base to teach at.

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  2. Hooooo boy, so much is making me a Grumpy Lump I could probably write a book. The biggest thing is a less than ideal living situation that may take time to remedy. I'm struggling to overcome super antisocial hermit tendencies that I've always had but have gotten exponentially worse in the past year.
    I have a lot of stuff to like too, though! I'm living in a country where things never got as bad as they did in the States, and I was even able to take a vacation for Christmas and buy myself a digital piano. I've also gotten back into reading after struggling to enjoy it for a good while. Turns out I'm no longer into high fantasy as much as I used to be!
    I'd have to agree that January has been weird. It felt like it crawled by and yet I swear yesterday was December. Where has the time gone?

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    1. LIZ!!! I have missed you! Living situation? Are you guys not in your home at Arizona any longer? I am thinking you upped stakes and are on a new adventure? Can I tell you something funny? In January of 2020 I pulled a Tarot card that was to be my card of the year... know what it was? The Hermit. Very apt. I feel your isolated musings.

      What country are you in, if you are able/desire to disclose? My sister just moved to Belgium with her husband for the Air Force. She is alone right now too. We hope in two years the COVID situation will be better so we can go visit them.

      How exciting about a vacation!! That is always welcome. Digital piano? Like a keyboard? I don't think I know what a digital piano is.. off to look.

      Yeah, fantasy is fun for me but I do like to mix up my reading genres. If you want I can mail you a book I feel in love with this year. Just send over your address and I will box up a few.

      The time is doing a strange elastic thing... stretching out real slow then popping forward into the next year. Bizarre. SO happy to talk with you again!!!

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  3. I just feel tired and somewhat adrift. Work was slow for the beginning of the month but is now picking up speed which is much better for keeping me focused and on my routine. Our weather has been all over the place and we're now having some actual winter storms so I put up battery light strings on my bookcases in the living room and on my headboard in the bedroom to add a little warm glow to the gloom. BBW Winter and Vanilla Birch candles are on daily rotation.

    My Makse Life goal planning notebooks arrived a few days ago and I'm looking forward to adding some concrete daily actions that work toward something instead of just muddling though each day.

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    1. Tired and adrift. Yes. I can sympathize with those feelings for sure. Malaise. Ennui. Yup. Glad work is picking up for you. And the twinkle lights, I swear they are just as good as a belly laugh sometimes. I like your idea of putting them in the bedroom. I had not thought of that. Vanilla Birch is such a great scent. Classy.

      How cool! I will go check out those notebooks. I know I have a butt-load of journals but like you, if I doodle or plan or write just a tiny something each day, it helps. Something to direct myself towards. I even busted out the watercolors again to dabble. I really suck at them but I certainly won't get better if I don't practice.

      Good to hear from you! <3

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  4. I love nature poetry so I've gotten into Haiku. I'm always going back to the Hass book of Bashu, Bosun and Issa. I watch the NHK wmWirls program Haiku Masters on youtube. Can't wait for HaiPoMo (Haiku Poetry Month)! I swear it's getting me through this pandemic!!
    Ah, I really hope you find a forever-school. So done with uncertainty.

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    1. Haikus are so beautiful. Thank you for the recommendations. I appreciate it! And thank you for the well wishes. I am SLOWLY having faith that I will find my forever school. Uncertainty stinks.

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  5. For the first time since last March, I am beginning to crack a bit myself. I think my anxiety stems from the inconsistency in the vaccine distribution, my parents and Shel are so close to getting their first doses, but yet so far away it seems, compared to many others I know, and pandemic fatigue of course.
    Those hard, listless days without brightness at least make me appreciate the extended kindnesses and infrequent rays of sunshine even more...like receiving a huge box of smell goods from a cherished friend, for instance. Thank you, I am here if you need to vent, your readers are here to commiserate too, now go on and smell those daffs and roses for me:)

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    1. It has been such a long road. I know it is a long term situation. I am happy to hear that your loved ones are close to getting their shots. My older relatives are trying to get theirs but the system is so hard to tap into. My aunt finally got a chance at a shot but the location was a 5 hour drive one way (from southwest Florida all the way to Jacksonville in the north of the state!!). So she had to turn it down since it is a two dose vaccine. She didn't think she could make it up twice. I am not even trying until it everyone who is at a higher risk of complications get theirs first. But eventually it will be something I do.

      So happy you liked the goodies. I have been enjoying making boxes and sending out some love. With some melting and low buying I was able to empty out one of the 8 drawers I use for wax. I do plan on buying from Carol for a handful of yummies but I think I want to keep my wax buying really low this year again. Maybe 2-3 more times from CFTKR and maybe one other vendor as it strikes.

      Thank you for being here to vent. I need it. And same to you too! <3

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