Back-to-school has officially commenced around here and it has brought some smiles and some tears. Between navigating the delicate nature of adolescent loneliness and my own classroom challenges, my heart feels extra tender and my mind exhausted.
I know fall is just around the corner and I am more than ready for it. I am ready for the tiny pleasures of pumpkin spice, humidity free breezes and apple pie baking. I crave mosquito-less bonfires and farmers' markets. I want to make squash soup and take evening walks around the neighborhood. I want these things because I am needing some comforts I think.
It's strange to me. There was once a point in my life where I was newly married, hugely pregnant, working full time as a middle school teacher at a Title One school while also putting myself through a rigorous Master's program where I even gave birth 3 months before I graduated and while doing my research. Sure I had moments of stress and doubt but I banged on. Got through. I am not sure if it is my older age or what, but the idea of going back to school for Montessori certification, taking ESOL courses, Gifted endorsements and teaching full time while trying to settle into a new community and home really has thrown me. I am finding it difficult to reconcile. To breathe. I am finding myself tired just thinking about it.
As a teacher I know learning is forever. It is a road that weaves and bends but never quite reaches the end. But this old gal just wants a downhill trot for a little bit longer.
And a pumpkin spice coffee every now and again.
Sending hugs <3
ReplyDeleteThank you!! The waters will calm. I think. I hope. Yes. Yes, they will.
DeleteI appreciate your candid honesty about stress or whatever that feeling is (sometimes I wonder if it has a name). I'm in a similar place. I feel like I'm lost, even though I have everything I need and most of what I want. I'm on a 6 week hiatus from work after getting a hysterectomy at 35. I still have 4 weeks left but all I can do is lament about going back. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear you are feeling some of these things too. I hope your surgery went well and that you are able to regulate. Are you looking for a new job possibly or just going to stick with what you have? I think for me that is the hardest part. Knowing when to move on. I am giving myself a few months to see if things can gain some equilibrium. But you are right. I know I am in a good spot health-wise, home-wise, and in the places it matters so I feel bad about bitching but stress is there. Anxiety is there. I am definitely overwhelmed at the moment.
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